THE ZODIAC  (A Realistic View)	
by: A Learned Scholar

AQUARIUS	
January 21 - February 19

You have an inventive mind and are inclined 
to be progressive.  You lie a great deal.  
On the other hand, you are inclined to be 
careless and impractical, causing you to 
make the same mistakes repeatedly.  
Everyone thinks you are stupid.

PISCES	
February 20 - March 20

You have a vivid imagination and often think 
you are being followed by the CIA, FBI and IRS.  
You have minor influence over your associates 
and people resent you for flaunting your power.  
You lack confidence and are generally a coward.  
Pisces people screw small animals.

ARIES	
March 21 - April 20

You are the pioneer type and hold most people 
in contempt.  You are quick tempered and 
scornful of advice.  You are a prick.

TAURUS	
April 21 - May 21

You are practical and persistent.  You have a 
dogged determination to work like hell.  Most 
people think you are stubborn and bull-headed.  
You are nothing but a goddam communist.

GEMINI	
May 22 - June 21

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People 
like you because you are bisexual.  However, 
you are inclined to expect too much for too 
little.  This means you are cheap.  Gemini's 
are notorious for living on incest.

CANCER	
June 22 - July 23

You are sympathetic and understanding of other 
peoples problems.  They think you are a sucker.  
You are always putting things off and that is 
why you'll always be on welfare and never 
worth a shit.

LEO		
July 24 - August 23

You consider yourself a born leader, while 
others think you are pushy.  Most Leo's are 
bullies.  You are vain and cannot tolerate 
criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  
Leo people are always thieving bastards.

VIRGO	
August 24 - September 23

You are the logical type and hate disorder.  
The nitpicking is sickening to your friends.  
You are cold and unemotional and often fall 
asleep while making love.  Virgo's make 
excellent bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA	
September 24 - October 23

You are the artistic type and have a 
difficult time with reality.  If you are a 
man, you are more than likely queer. Change 
of employment and monetary gain are excellent.  
Most Libra women are excellent whores.  
All Libra's die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO	
October 24 - November 22

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  
You shall achieve the pinnacle of success 
because of your total lack of ethics.  You are a 
perfect son-of-a-bitch.  Most Scorpio's are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS	
November 23 - December 22

You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a 
reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack 
talent.  The majority of Sagittarius's are drunks 
and dope fiends.  People laugh at you a great deal 
because you are always getting fucked.

CAPRICORN	
December 23 - January 20

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  
There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.  
Capricorn's should avoid standing for long periods 
of time as they tend to attract pigeons.