FROM : DIVISION OFFICE
TO : ___________________
SUBJECT : Welcome to ____________________
1. Welcome to _____________! I have been appointed as your sponsor; this means that I'm the lucky person who gets to shell out ___.00 ___________ (local currency) for your cab ride from the airport, as well as show you around the various offices after my midnight shift rather than going to sleep. Your new home will be ________________, a luxurious slab of granite stuck in this cesspool of a city. If you are lucky enough to be married you may move into a spacious and lovely 30-year-old Government house, in which case you will be surrounded by caring Government- types and their bloated, Neanderthal-looking spouses and their mewling, puking brats. The Mission here is a simple one -- to make life hell for the rest of us.
2. You'll be working in the ________________ Section, probably the same shiftwork I endure. There's lots of gaping puckered assholes here, running around giving orders but not quite knowing just what the fuck to do themselves; these people are almost always given day jobs, in nice dark out-of-the-way offices where they can't do too much harm. The management here is laughable at best; it's a constant struggle between the "fuck-you's" and the "cover-your asses." Neither side wins, but it's an interesting game nontheless. You will probably get your own office after you've been here about four years or so, if you play the game right.
3. Job satisfaction? Non-existant. Look, if you have any shred of intelligence, you start sucking the Commander's dick the second you get on base. If you do this, you may have a chance at getting a decent job, say in the post office. Otherwise, you're stuck here with the rest of us shit-birds, trying to figure out how the hell we wound up in this godforsaken piss-hole. Better yet, go AWOL; at least in prison, you get holidays off.
4. If I don't see you at the airport, I'll understand.
_______________________________
NAME (Last, First, Middle)
_______________________________
Duty Title & Office Symbol