MY DOG SEX

Usually anyone who has a dog either calls 
him Rover or Boy or something.  I call 
mine "Sex."  Well, SEX is a very 
embarrassing name.  One day I took SEX 
for a walk and he ran away from me.  I 
spent hours looking for that dog.  A cop 
came along and asked me what I was doing 
in this alley at 4:00 AM in the morning.  
I said, "I'm looking for SEX."  My case 
comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to city hall to get a dog 
license for SEX.  The clerk asked me what 
I wanted.  I told him I wanted a license 
for SEX.  He said, "I would like to have 
one too."  Then I said, "But this is a 
dog."  And he said he didn't care how she 
looked.  Then I said, "You don't understand.  
I've had SEX since I was two years old."  
To that he replied, "You must have been a 
strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the 
minister that I wanted to have SEX at the 
wedding.  He told me to wait until after 
the wedding.  I said, "But SEX has played 
a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle 
revolves around SEX."  He said he didn't 
want to hear about my personal life and 
would not marry us in his church.  I told 
him everyone coming to the wedding would 
enjoy having SEX there.  The next day we 
were married by the Justice of the Peace.  
My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on 
our honeymoon.  When I checked into the motel, 
I told the clerk I wanted a room for my wife 
and I, and a special room for SEX.  The clerk 
said that every room in the motel was for sex.  
Then I said, "You don't understand, SEX keeps 
me awake at night," and the clerk said, 
"Me, too."

One day I told my friend that I had SEX on 
T.V.  He said, "Show off."  I told him it 
was a contest, and he told me I should have 
sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court 
to fight for custody of the dog.  I said, 
"Your Honor, I had SEX before I was married."  
And the Judge said, "Me, too."

Well now, I've been thrown in jail, been 
married, divorced, and had more damn trouble 
with that dog than I ever bargained for.  Why 
just the other day when I went for my first 
session with the psychiatrist and she asked 
me what the problem was, I replied, "Hell, 
SEX has died and left my life.  It's like 
losing a best friend and it's so lonely."  
The doctor said, "Look mister, you and I both 
know sex isn't man's best friend, so get 
yourself a dog."