The New Macintosh Users's Flow Chart
START
Unpack and admire new computer, sexy ain't it.
Try to figure out how to put the thing together
Give up and read manual
Manual doesn't tell you anything!
Call computer store -- manager says it's all in the manual
Tell manager what you think of him
Screw around and break something
Call computer store again -- manager says it's your fault
Dare manager to come out here and say it's your fault
Try to write something
Computer lets you get three pages in and crashes
Call computer store -- manager says look in the manual
Check manual -- it still doesn't tell you anything!
Retype document -- this time you get 4 pages in before it crashes.
Cuss and swear
Retype document -- this time you get 10 pages in before it crashes.
Call computer store -- threaten manager
Retype document
Icon with sh** eating grin appears saying it ate the document
Seize mouse by the tail, smash on desk
Icon smirks at you and gives you the finger
Throw computer on the floor and kick across room
Time for lunch
Meet some jerk who likes Macintosh
Invite jerk outside to discuss it
Kick jerk in the balls
Go back to work, computer is dead
Shake and rattle computer until sh** eating icon rouses
Try to retype document
Call Steve Jobs 28 things your mother told you never to say
Icon starts screwing up documents you haven't even written yet
Call computer store -- manager says it's in the manual
Wipe butt on manual, throw on floor, stomp on it
Go to computer store, drive car through front window
Manager says you should have called first
Castrate and hang manager, set fire to store
Return machine
Sh** eating icon has screwed up your bank account and mortgage.
Rip open computer and feel around for icon
Something shocks the piss out of you
Sh** eating icon drops his drawers and shows you his ass
Ram fist through screen, pull icon out and strangle him
Pick whole mess up and carry to window
Fly, you bastard!
END