MURPHY'S LAWS of LIFE

-- An easily understood, workable falsehood is 
   more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth.

-- The further away the disaster or accident occurs 
   the greater the number of dead and injured.

-- No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly
   understood over the phone.

-- Things get worse under pressure.

-- Love is blind, but lust just doesn't give a good goddamn.

-- Them that has, gets.

-- Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.

-- The only imperfect thing in nature is the human face.

-- People are always avialable for work in the past tense.

-- Opportunity knocks at the least opportune moment.

-- If one views his problem closely enough he will 
   recognize himself as part of the problem.

-- How long a minute is depends on which side of the 
   bathroom door you're on.

-- The number of people watching you is directly 
   proportional to the stupidity of your action.

-- If a man says to you, "It isn't the money; it's the 
   principle of the thing," I lay you six to one it's 
   the money.

-- Never step in anything soft, and don't eat yellow snow.

-- It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to 
   realize you are in a hurry.

-- All the kookies are not in the jar.

-- The bigger they are -- the harder they hit.

-- All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap 
   than a thin person.

-- The one time in the day that you lean back and relax 
   is the one time the Boss walks through the office.

-- When anything is used to its fullest potential, 
   it will break.

-- The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to 
   make sure one of them is a match.

-- Measure twice because you can only cut once.

-- Checks are always delayed in the mail;  bills arrive 
   on time or sooner.

-- No balls, no blue chips.

-- If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you 
   don't want hits the paper.

-- The tendency of smoke from a cigarette, barbecue, 
   campfire, etc. to drift into a person's face varies 
   directly with that person's sensitivity to smoke.

-- Almost everything in life is easier to get into 
   than out of.

-- Don't worry about what other people are thinking 
   about you.  They're too busy worrying about what 
   you a thinking about them.

-- One goddamned thing leads to another goddamned thing.

-- Things will get worse before they get better...
   Who said things would get better?

-- When all else fails, read the instructions.